Emergency treatment

…She called the NHS crisis team for advice, got me to sleep, and in the morning she got me to the Accident & Emergency department of a nearby hospital…

Happy New Year everyone… hope that you all enjoyed the new year festivities.

I wish I could say I did, but the anxiety just took over me. The trigger was the relationship issue – waiting for a new years’ message from the girl I like back in Brazil, which only came 2pm on New Year’s Day. The anxiety grew from the thought of “it would be nice if she showed she was thinking about me”… though there are plenty of other reasons for it, this is what I focused on. And it got worse; I just couldn’t stop thinking about it; checking my phone; sobbing; just wanting to disappear. I tried to distract myself; went for a walk… but then as I was walking I looked at those busses passing by and wondered what it would be like to just go in front of them… Life is short anyway.

My sister was great. She called the NHS crisis team for advice, got me to sleep, and in the morning she got me to the Accident & Emergency department of a nearby hospital. She came with me and did a lot of the talking which was great–when I tried to give my mobile number, even here I just started crying again. Fortunately I was seen by somebody reasonably quickly, and I told everything; between sobs. They gave me three days of diazepam, which is definitely helping: The circular thoughts; the physical feeling of just being completely empty; the loss of appetite; the mind going into that vicious circle of over-thinking, over-analyzing and self-loathing… all of that has calmed down and kind of paused for the moment, and am even able to relax a little now, which is a first for a while.

Diazepam is a short-term solution though and while good for anxiety, is apparently not great for depression. Also it’s apparently addictive, which is why they did not give me many, so I need to see my psychiatrist in Brazil to discuss the next steps. We shall see.

Interested in hearing your experiences with anxiety attacks and these medications.

2 thoughts on “Emergency treatment”

  1. It is so brave of you to be so open an honest about how this experience felt for you.

    I too suffer with anxiety, and when I have experienced anxiety attacks in the past, I too have found myself uncontrollably crying, unable to catch my breath, and sometimes have even been physically sick.

    Sometimes I am clear what the trigger was, and other times it has felt as though it came out of no where.

    For me, I cope with mine with a combination of things. I take anti-anxiety meds (Sertraline), and I keep a worry journal in which I write down everything I find myself worrying about, including the date, (this helps me to reflect when I feel calmer and notice any patterns in my anxiety).

    I also try to do small good deeds whenever I am feeling a little better, as this helps me to lift my mood and gives me a sense of pride in myself and makes me feel I am valuable and have something to offer.

    Finally, I try to do some light exercise (such as a little walk with the dog) shortly before bed. The exercise combined with the fresh air sometimes helps to sleep better, and anxiety is often far worse when we are over tired.

    Everyone is different, and although our journeys are all different, I promise you, you are not alone. Anxiety and depression are horrible conditions, but once you and your doctors work out what works for you, and how best to manage it, your life will begin to feel better. Writing about your experiences can in itself be an excellent form of therapy, as it will help you to let your feelings out, and upon reading them back you will be able to reflect.

    I know we all experience these conditions so differently, but one thing is for sure-you are stronger than you know, and you can get through this. Just take one day at a time, and always remember to give yourself credit for the small achievements you make.

    I wish you well on your journey-keep writing.


    1. Hi Pixie, thanks for your comment and also for sharing all of your experiences. Really like your ideas about dealing with the anxiety. Appreciated. Back in Brazil now and will be speaking with my psychiatrist on Tuesday. The diazepam worked though I have come to an end of the prescription (at least am feeling calmer though – not least because of help from friends and family, though I think being back in my familiar surroundings (with my cats again now!) is also good–much as it was great seeing family back in the UK, and much as I love London and think it’s the best city ever(!!), it no longer really feels like home there as I know so few people). Will discuss with the doc about possible anti-anxiety medication options, and how I can proceed. Hope to keep in touch and all the best for the new year.

      Liked by 1 person

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