Been able to control thoughts a little better today. Going to watch the new Star Wars film in the cinema helped, as did Christmas shopping (though I didn’t really get or do much, aside from stare wistfully the latest gadgets that I would like to have for myself rather than give to anyone!) and also helping my sister who has been incapacitated (temporarily at least, so I hope) by back problems. So I didn’t really have much time to dwell on any anxious thoughts.
I also chatted with my sister about everything that am feeling, which was nice and helped. I alluded to it yesterday, though it’s like having two sides that are in conflict with each other: the rational side that knows there’s always good reasons, then the anxious side that is so scared about losing something that I really don’t want to lose, and is always looking to the negative side of anything that happens. It’s always just a battle trying to control and ignore that side, and not let it reduce me to tears again.
In that regard the Christmas “shopping” probably helped the most – London, at night, and at Christmas…. is just a great city to wonder through and can allow even the most focused mind to escape from that vicious circle. Oxford Street, Covent Garden… Piccadilly Circus and the walk over the river to the London Eye and the South Bank… to name but a few of the standard tourist places… just humming with life and distraction. It all meant that while I did occasionally think of her, I was soon able to switch my mind onto something else. Just have to be able to keep this up on a daily basis when I don’t have the luck of being here and where things are more mundane.