Christmas and escape

…London, at night, and at Christmas…. is just a great city to wonder through and can distract even the most focused mind…

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Christmas shopping in London – to distract any mind

Been able to control thoughts a little better today. Going to watch the new Star Wars film in the cinema helped, as did Christmas shopping (though I didn’t really get or do much, aside from stare wistfully the latest gadgets that I would like to have for myself rather than give to anyone!) and also helping my sister who has been incapacitated (temporarily at least, so I hope) by back problems. So I didn’t really have much time to dwell on any anxious thoughts.

I also chatted with my sister about everything that am feeling, which was nice and helped. I alluded to it yesterday, though it’s like having two sides that are in conflict with each other: the rational side that knows there’s always good reasons, then the anxious side that is so scared about losing something that I really don’t want to lose, and is always looking to the negative side of anything that happens. It’s always just a battle trying to control and ignore that side, and not let it reduce me to tears again.

In that regard the Christmas “shopping” probably helped the most – London, at night, and at Christmas…. is just a great city to wonder through and can allow even the most focused mind to escape from that vicious circle. Oxford Street, Covent Garden… Piccadilly Circus and the walk over the river to the London Eye and the South Bank… to name but a few of the standard tourist places… just humming with life and distraction. It all meant that while I did occasionally think of her, I was soon able to switch my mind onto something else. Just have to be able to keep this up on a daily basis when I don’t have the luck of being here and where things are more mundane.

Controlling anxiety

I have found these last couple of days that switching my mobile phone in flight mode and forcing myself not to look at it helps me stop thinking about things, and stop my mind going round in circles. It has helped that I have had things to do on my vacation, like going out for a day trip with family and going for long walks. Occasionally when not on vacation, I leave my phone at the office when I go for lunch, or something else, so I am simply unable to look at it and so am forced to think more about other things.

…Sent a message to her last night before went to bed; she saw, but no reply either last night or this morning… I know… I KNOW…there are plenty of good reasons for this… but my head being my head starts to think negatively and irrationally, thinking the worst… what if she just doesn’t want to be with me?

Miserable day here today so not too much to do, and while I have just put the phone in flight mode again, it is difficult not to pick it up to check. Curious to know what other people do to help relax a little…??